Sunday, July 24, 2011

Fighting Terrorism: Some stuff I did today

I learned some new things today, mostly while preparing to move.

I realized that my definition of "clean" is different from other people's.  Mine is "moving stuff off of the floor into a less inconvenient place".  Other people's is "making stuff look brand new, or at least where it doesn't look like you pooped on it".

I realized that moving is nothing more than putting all your stuff into boxes, so you can later take it out of boxes, only to put them back in boxes some time after that.

The most important thing I learned today is that you can fight any problem my making a slogan and putting it on a bumper sticker.  It doesn't matter what it says, but by putting your opinion on the back of your car, you can end whatever thing that is bothering you. This stemmed from a bumper sticker I saw that said "Fight Terror, Vote Republican".  If doing completely unrelated things can stop bad stuff, then I'm all in for that shit.

So I decided to fight terrorism with this masterpiece:

I expect all terror to be gone in 4-6 weeks.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Journey to the Electronics Store: How I Discovered a Wizard


The other day I was driving around, and noticed a new electronics store.  Being a fellow who enjoys things that run on electricity, I went in.

As I am wandering around and touching all the things in the electronics store, a man in a polo donning the same name as the store came up and started bothering me.

"Are you finding everythin-"

"What brand of sorcery is this?!", I said, cutting him off.

He started to nervously chuckle.

"Is a wizard responsible for this?!", I said.  I needed to know.

He is still chuckling, and he started to back away slowly.  I don't think he was ready for what I asked him next.

"Are you a wizard?", I asked calmly, but very sternly.  I stared him in the eyes, and did not blink.

He knew I discovered his dark secret.  At this point he walked away from me, and I went back to touching as many cameras as I could, before I got bored and wandered off to my next adventure to the mcdonalds.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Trolls: The Trollening

Open your mind and imagine this scenario with me, for just a moment.

It is a lazy Saturday afternoon.  You just finished watching your favorite episode of your favorite TV show.  You enjoy this show, more than any human should enjoy anything.  But just enjoying it isn't enough.

You have to talk about it.

The bad news is that all your friends live in different states and countries.  That doesn't stop you, though.  You plug in your magical webcam and fire up the ol' youtube.  Pretty soon, you got a good five minutes of you talking about the finer points of this show, what they could do to make it better, and also what you had for lunch.  You share this with your friends, and they agree with everything you said.  You do consider yourself their leader, even if you have never met them face to face.

A few days of nothing goes by, then you notice a new comment on your video; a comment from a name you have never seen.  It looks like "HowIsBabbyFormed219" really needed to call you a "wirthloss peece of shit foggit" multiple times.  It bothers you, but you brush it off and go the the weekly tender festival for a few hours.

When you get home, you video has thousands of views.  And thousands of comments.  And not a single one of them was telling you how nice your sweater looked.  Quite the opposite actually.  It seems like everyone had a pressing urge to tell you how homosexual you look, how you should never be allowed on the internet again, and some even told you to kill yourself.

To be honest, you were asking for it when you put this on.

This is what a very mild trolling is like.

As soon as two people were on the internet, one was calling the other a fag. I am not saying that there wasn't trolling before the internet came around.  It was done in the form of dog poo in flaming bags, or molotov cocktails.  But when people discovered that they could bother other people from their own chair, thats when things went downhill fast.

Feces related pranks may be a bit barbaric, so you would think that adding high-tech stuff into the equation would make it more sophisticated.  It didn't, for the most part.  Where people would use to yell "homo" at someone, it now can be posted on a person's facebook.

But what happens in cases like the hypothetical one above?  Can that many people really be opposed to unicorns, and sweaters made of them?  Probably not.  Then what happens?  A bunch of bored kids is what happens.  One person finds it, shares it with his friends, they share it their friends, and so on.  Most just laugh and move on, but one bright snowflake ("HowIsBabbyFormed219", in this case) posts his feelings on the matter.  Then an online mob mentality happens, and before too long you have death threats on your youtube inbox.

Sometimes it goes farther.  One of these guys decides that they REALLY hate unicorns. So much so that they hack the uploader's youtube, facebook, myspace, and bank account.  Yeah, it happens sometimes.  And then they post as much gay scat porn as they can, and spend all your money on dog dildos.  Yeah, they exist.  And god help the uploader if the hacker gets his real address.  He will then be signed up for every porno mailing list available, and have large amounts of pizza delivered to his house for days.  And gets a hold of his phone number?  He is going to be asked if he has Battletoads for quite some time.

The world's most sought after game.

The internet is a battlefield, and everything is a land mine.  Do you want to browse the web, and not get trolled?  Tough shit.  The only way to ensure that you don't get bothered online is to not go online.  But don't take it personal, they don't hate you.  But you really do look like a fag in that sweater, seriously, what were you thinking?

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Video Project: My Heart and Soul

I've slaved over this video.

Countless hours has gone into this video.

I would even say my heart, my soul, and my blood went into this video.

This will be my magnum opus.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Advent of Internet: Why God?

I would like for you to spend a few seconds imagining what the world would be like without the internet.

A life without endless pictures of cats, if you can call that living.

That was pretty bad, wasn't it?

Simply put, the internet is multiple computers sharing information with each other; multiple computers telling each other "1" or "0".

And we have somehow made the existence of modern society depend on it.  So maybe a "1" is sent to a computer instead of a "0", causing a glitch.  What happens? Airports are shut down.

But ideally they never do that.  So lets say that you make a investment program that makes the most economic and efficient decisions. It works perfectly.  What happens?  The stock market plummets.

Oh internet.  We can't live with you, and we can't live without you.

I have always said that the invention of the internet will cause the end of the world.

We have embedded our life into this relatively young technology (it has been around since 1969, compared the millions of years everything else has been around) at frightening rate.  Back in the day, when you needed money from your bank account, you actually had to go to the bank and withdraw it, because a bank was kind of secure place to keep it.  Now your hard earned cash is held safely behind the eight character password of your choosing.  I sure hope no one knows the street you grew up on, and your year of birth!

Hell, if someone just knows a few public things about you, then they are going to be all up in your email account.

And social interactions.  Remember those?  Before facebook and text messaging, you actually had to talk to other people, face to face! Communicate with actual words! Can you believe that?  When you wanted to call someone a douchebag, you actually had to say it with your mouth, not your fingers.

And this only goes so far.

So the internet is in control of our money, and had made us social networking pussies.  What could be worse?

More.  A lot more.

Back in the mid eighties, a fad involving anthropomorphic creatures was really catching on.  A few magazines were being circulated, and a few social gatherings were planned here and there.  But it was hard to find other people in this "Furry fandom" without everyone knowing your dark secret.  But in the mid-nineties, people discovered that finding other furries was an AOL chatroom away.

I personally blame the internet for the explosion of furries in the world.

But there are worse things.

In 2003, a teenage boy decided to create a website where he and his friends could talk about anime.  Soon his friends were inviting their friends, and they invited their friends, and so on and so forth.  Now we have one of the busiest and notorious websites out there: 4chan.  All because you can post anonymously, behind the proxy of your keyboard.

So is there good in the internet?  Yeah.  But as soon as people could pretend to be someone else is when things got out of control.  So what should you do?  The obvious answer is to liquidate everything you have and live in the mountains.  Then the only thing you have to worry about is bears.