Thursday, June 30, 2011

My Gift, My Curse: Ballad of the Retail Worker

It is a unseasonably warm day in late Febuary.  Around 2 in the afternoon, if I recall.  I am walking around, searching for those in need.  I see a woman, obviously distressed.  Her mouth hangs open, but quiet; failing to voice the terror she is in.  Her eyes are as wide as saucers, moving around violently, as if she is unable to comprehend the horrors she is witnessing.  

I approach her.

"Ma'am, do you need help with anything?"

Her eyes lock with mine, and a glimmer of hope twinkles on her pupil.  I made myself her only chance of salvation.

She utters,

"Could you tell me where the paper towels are?"

"Aisle 8, ma'am. And if there is anything else you need, just ask."

As we embark on our seperate paths, I look at the aisle 8 marker, just to make sure that it clearly says "PAPER GOODS" in big bold letters.  

It does.

This is the life I have chosen.  Years ago, when I first but on that badge that let everybody know that I am a 'CERTIFIED PHOTO SPECIALIST", I understood what I was getting myself into.  I understood that I would spend my days telling countless people where the bathrooms are.  I knew I would have clean up the aftermath of when people just couldn't make it to said bathrooms in time.  I knew I would have to spend hours looking for that one can of pork and beans for someone because "it's on sale and 99 cents is just to good of a deal to pass up on you know?" 

These people need a savior.

These people need me.

Video Games: The Deal With Them

Let me get one thing out of the way.

I love my video games.

I want to do bad things to my video games.

If video games were a pretty little female, she would be the victim to my unhealthy obsession, ending with a weekend in jail and a restraining order.

But I digress.

I recently read an article that someone wrote about how video games are straying from what they need to be; how they need to be classified as a sophisticated art form and such.  Some big companies agree.  Some big art critics disagree.  In some aspects, I agree.

But the vidya will never be accepted as an art.

Art is expressing yourself or thoughts onto some kind of viable medium, telling stories and triggering emotions and whatnot.  That's just my interpretation of art though.  Different people will say completely different things.

Ever since the beginning of man, we have been looking for ways to not do anything productive.  Ancient people painted on cave walls with shit and berries.  They kept doing that until sports were invented.  But that required too much moving for some people, so other dudes went and invented video games.  Why?  Because lazy folk susceptible to addiction would pay them handsomely for it.

Like these, only for your brain!

But that wasn't the end of it.  People were happy with their Pong paddles for some time, but soon they wanted better looking paddles.  High-Def paddles.  They wanted that shit in 3-D.  Video game companies kindly said "Fuck that noise", and that led to the video game market crash of 1983.  Then some bright snowflake must have realized, "If we spend more making it, then we can charge more selling it!".  And now you can play Pong in glorious 1080p with you PS3 on your 50" flatscreen.

The point I am trying make is that the video game market is just that: a market.  They supply to peoples demands to turn a profit.  That's all it will ever be.  That is why we have seven Call of Duty games, with each one selling more than the last.  And it isn't for the "beautifully written story", its so they can go online, and shoot other assholes and call them gay; ultimately, to be doing nothing productive.

Every once in a while you come across a game that is just amazing, wonderful, and makes you feel "emotions".  The sad part is you will usually find it in the bargain bin.  Most people don't want to think when they play a game, they just want to find the best way to draw a penis in it.

Thank you Spore!

So there you have it.  Video games are great because they are a great way to pass the time.  Not because they are "edgy", or some nonsense like that.  And for the love of god, don't get me started on indy games.

I think it's time for a beer.