Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Driving: Being lazy as fast as you can

The evolution of transportation has advanced quite a bit in the past couple of centuries.

For a while, dudes would just wander around on their feet.  This was okay, because liquor stores weren't discovered yet, so they didn't really need to drive two miles down the road, just past the Wendy's.

Then some fellow saw a horse running about and thought, "Hey.  I want to sit on that thing."
So he did.  And for just about forever, people were content with riding these pooping terror beasts.

One day, some guy must have thought; "Man, these horses sure are a hassle.  They get all freaked out over nothing, and don't always do what you want them to do."

This man promptly put together a pile of wood, slapped four wheels on it, and made the horse drag it around; this effectively set transportation technology back a couple hundred of years.

Then finally some dude in Germany named  Karl Friedrich Benz finally invented something called a "horseless carriage", or more accurately called "the first car".  Soon after, Henry Ford and Thomas Edison kicked Benz in the dick, made their own car, and took all the credit.

"I'd kick any man in the dick for you, my sweet Edison."

From there on out, driving was supposed to be simple.  Get in/on your car, move forward, get out/off of your car, and repeat until you have reached your destination.

Somehow, someone fucked that up.

Maybe it was the guy who thinks that you have to slow down to 5 mph for every turn and curve.  Maybe it was the fellow who thinks that cutting someone off on a red light is an acceptable practice.  Maybe that couple who goes 40 on the highway to get a good view of the scenery.  It could be the people who think that turn signals are optional, and think they are there to make a pleasant clicking noise.  Maybe all of them.  Who knows?

I blame the government's decision to let people who can pass a simple test, and drive down the block the privilege of operating a 2 ton death machine fully equipped with 10 gallons of explosion juice.  And a little noise button to keep the simpletons amused.


  1. haha
    Good post. (:

  2. See, I wish all my old history teachers taught like this, it would have been much more entertaining.

  3. I actually DON'T drive. I live in the big city. I walk and commute.

  4. Made me laugh, good post!

  5. just commenting. hope to see you around my page.